The cover story of New York Magazine this week is "Baby Panic". This goes perfectly with the other magazines on my coffee table - "Where Are the Babies?" (US), "Why Haven't You Had a Baby?" (People) and "For God's Sake Have a Baby" (Time). Thanks, Time magazine, this is just what I need - another article so depressing that I can actually hear my ovaries curling up.
Prostitutes in Lyons, France, sent a fax to the government to complain that they are losing business to Eastern European women who are protected by the Albanian mafia. Okay, first of all, how rough-looking are these French prostitutes that all their customers are running to the Albanians? Secondly, why did they send a fax, and from whence? Do they have a fax machine in the whorehouse, or did they all trundle down to Kinko's - "You fax these, I'll let you shave me." Thirdly, how come French whores know how to work a fax machine, but every time I try to use it, I hit Powersave, or I forget to dial 9? This just proves what my boyfriend always says - that I am dumber than a French whore.
[on her six-week maternity leave] I had to get back to work... NBC has me under contract; the baby and I only have a verbal agreement.
[on Matthew McConaughey] He was always taking his shirt off, he's like "Yeah, here's my deal, I'm hot." We had a meeting one day at like 11 o'clock, right before the show and he walks into the meeting shirtless wearing this like old musty sarong... He doesn't smell great, no.
[on Paris Hilton] She's a piece of shit. The people at [Saturday Night Live (1975)] were like, "Maybe she'll be fun, maybe she won't take herself so seriously." She takes herself so seriously! She's unbelievably dumb and so proud of how dumb she is. She looks like a tranny up close... Also, you would walk down the hall and find what just looked like nasty wads of Barbie hair on the stairs... Her hair is like a Fraggle.
[on the idea of future Sarah Palin skits on Saturday Night Live (1975)] I want to be done playing this lady Nov. 5. So, if anybody can help me be done playing this lady Nov. 5, that would be good for me.
[on her resemblance to Sarah Palin] I was resistant to acknowledge there was a resemblance. But my kid saw her and said, "That's Mommy", so I thought, "Oh, great.".
Mary Tyler Moore was a working woman whose storylines were not always about dating and men. They were about work friendships and relationships, which is what I feel my adult life has mostly been about.
[on first drawing up 30 Rock (2006)] We wanted to make sure that everything we did with Liz Lemon rang true on some level - to me or to one of the other women in the room. And we did kind of know we were going into her as... well, as the opposite of a Sex and the City (1998) character. She's not about wish fulfillment or fantasy. I personally am a big fan of SATC - but it's pretty and it's fun to watch, like candy. One is a fairy tale, and the other is a grim fairy tale. I do really enjoy Sex and the City (1998) in spite of what I just said. I think I identify with Miranda. The redhead lawyer. I enjoyed her story lines most.
I had a great time doing [Sarah Palin] but it was one of the strangest things that's ever happened to me. You can grow up thinking, "I want to be on Saturday Night Live (1975) one day" or "I want to be in a movie someday", but you never think, "I hope there's a politician who looks just like me." So much of everything I've ever done has come out of hard work and just hanging in there, being the last one standing at the bar - and then to have that fall in my lap was just crazy. Having done plays in Chicago for two actors and then all of a sudden people are just saying, "Yes! Put the outfit on! You can say whatever you want!".
I studied the usual acting methods at college - Stanislavsky and whatnot but none of it really clicked for me. At the Second City, I learnt that your focus should be entirely on your partner. Suddenly, it all made sense.
Stepping into the Saturday Night Live (1975) studio for the first time was momentous. The only equivalent would be doing The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (1992) - stepping into the show that I grew up watching. And it has a live audience. Even with a taped audience, you can get them jacked up and they know it's their job to pretend they like it. But especially in New York, that live audience is a real proving ground.